Sunday, December 20, 2009

Could Someone Please Remind my Children that they live in a Large Family

Sunday morning. 13 of us need to get ready for church. There are a few that I am responsible to wake up and we have a routine that never changes. But the rest of them, who get themselves up, just decide on a whim that they can alter the shower schedule. They get distracted or two tired to shower at night and then in the morning, low and behold, 4 people need to shower in 30 minutes and they all want the same shower.

There are a lot of people in our world who talk about how hard it is to get children up and ready for church. Most of them have two or three kids. For the past 10 years I have gotten at least 7 children up and ready for church and been on time nearly every Sunday and I have done it alone.

Obviously I have not done it without complaining, but hey, what do you think I am, a SAINT?

And every week there is another glitch thrown into the system to make it difficult. At least they offer me variety.

Sigh.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

It only Takes Five MInutes

My morning was going very well. I was up and at my desk, working on cleaning my desk and sorting through receipts and doing spreadsheets. The kids were asleep.

And then they were up. And my most manipulative child had convinced his gracious and merciful father to do something for him that I had already said a definite no to. And now, because I mentioned it, a blow up was caused and I have ruined the day.

It only takes five minutes....

Friday, December 18, 2009

My response to the "Invisible woman" Video

I posted this video and asked for your response. I am glad that most of you were encouraged. I had mixed feelings.

I have to confess that I had mixed feelings about the video. Sure, I understood her point, but like Angela, I wondered whether or not my kids were actually cathedrals in progress. Sometimes it's so hard to see that in the midst of all of their issues. There was one other part that really made me sad. She talks about how important it is to her that her adult children will want to come home to visit. Right now our children not living with us are not interested in being home much because of the severe behaviors of some of their younger siblings.

I got the point of the video, but somehow there was a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. Am I building cathedrals? I guess in 100 years someone will know.

It's nice when things work out for a few minutes...

I'm in St. Paul. I dropped Bart off at his training and drove straight down one street to a Dunn Brothers I found on my Iphone Map program. There was a parking space for free, almost in downtown, right in front of the coffee shop and they were willing to brew some decaf tea for me and then ice it. So I'm sitting by a window, internet working wonderfully, sipping on some delicious decaf earl grey and feeling quite good.

Bart and I had a fairly good morning. It started off shaky as the car door wouldn't shut, but we took the van and went to the mall. Got a fair amount of shopping done though (and no details in case some of my kids are doing some blog snooping). We had a delicious lunch together and then I dropped him off.

Sometimes it's hard to find a topic for us to discuss that won't lead to something unpleasant so we talked less than usual, but it was ok. It was fun just to be together. Tonight we have yet another Christmas concert for Sadie that we have to be back for, but the weekend is fairly free. Feeling good at the moment....

Checking in for those who tend to panic

Today Bart and I are heading to the Twin Cities to do some shopping and for him to attend a training. I should be online sometime this afternoon from a coffee shop while he is in training. I will attempt to blog then.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Yesterday morning -- False Hope. What does Today Bring?

Random Thoughts:

Even though yesterday started well the van didn't. The battery died and we had to call AAA for about the 12th time this year. Since we had already used up our free tows (I think you get 4 or 6 or something) he offered to just sell us a battery and stick it in for us. Otherwise we would have had to tow it to get a new battery put in.

Today isn't starting as well but the van is.

Bart says that everyone who wants our book has already bought one? Could that possibly be true?

Jimmy "ran away" last night. He's 18. We didn't look for him. It was cold. He came home.

Sadie's attitude has done a 180 and all the sudden she has a great deal of motivation for school work. Amazing how taking away a cell phone can make a difference.

Rand isn't sure the Kirby thing is going to work out so well. He got a call back from KFC. WE're encouraging him to call them.

Yesterday I took the day off because I have a lot of paid leave I need to use. But I still had a visit I needed to do and several people from work had questions and IMd me, so yeah.

I wish I had a staff of people working for me. I could have a meeting and put them all to work. But I couldn't pay them. So that kind of limits my applicants.

Today I want to go to Dunn Brothers but I have to do bookkeeping and all the stuff is here. Unless I go first thing in the morning, other people get my booth. And it's by the outlet. And I like it. ANd they don't reserve it for me and I'm not sure why not since I come there a lot, but they don't. I think I will go. A lot of the bookeeping stuff is on my hard drive or on the internet. I can do it from there. Yeah. It's the Madison Avenue one in case any of you are stalkers and want a sighting. Where did THAT come from?

John is in a stay home and try hard to do the right thing mood. We like this mood. It seems to have lasted since Sunday. That is a good thing.

Tomorrow we might Christmas shop. WE did a lot online this week, but we are far from done. Bart has a meeting there so we could shop in the am and then I could coffee shop in the pm.

Time to pack up the computer since I have now convinced myself that I do want to work at the coffee shop instead of here. After, of course, i spend 45 minutes driving to three schools to drop them all off and say, "Goodbye, I love you, have a great day, make good choices, don't miss me too much. ANd if you're in high school, every day counts."

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Rand Got A Job

Selling Kirby vacuums door to door. That was the mysterious interview. But he is excited so we are trying not to downplay it, but he is even supposed to work Christmas eve. I can't imagine going into someones home to vacuum their living room on Christmas eve.

But we're happy he has a job and hopefully it will work out. Who knows. Maybe he has hidden talent. But now it all makes sense. He went to two interviews and got the job before they even told him what he was going to be doing.

Mysterious ads in the paper with code company names might actually mean the job isn't highly desirable.

;-)

And the Doctor said....

He wants to wait until week 38 to induce of Salinda doesn't give birth first. She is not at all happy. But apparently there are things in life that even she can't control.

So no baby this week apparently -- not for two more weeks. Unless she decides to come on her own.

Makes it easier to plan the week anyway.

For those of you who had me as a worker this is not for you

AdoptUsKids is recognizing the dynamic caseworkers who have provided support to families through the adoption and foster care processes. A new honoree is featured each month on adoptuskids.org. Please nominate your worker today!

Answering the Tax Credit Question

Here is an answer to the question about the Adoption Tax Credit.

The current federal adoption tax credit will end on December 31st, 2010, so next year. At that time it will revert to $6,000 for only special needs adoption with the lower (pre 2002) family income limit and tied to expenses.

Last time, the tax credit was going to be like this was starting January 1st, 2002, and the leaders of extending and expanding the adoption tax credit was led by agencies who charge fees and whose families need help paying those fees. There are already a number of bills that will continue the current credit. The person I talked to doesn't expect it to move forward until health care is over. In 2001, the continuation bill was in the Bush tax cuts, and that happened in the summer.

Does anyone else have more info?

I'd like to See What Your Response to This Video is

Before I tell you what my initial response was. So, especially adoptive parents out there, what is your response?

Not Sure What to Send Family and Friends for Christmas?

A copy of our book would be ideal, don't you think?

Save $3.00 between now and Christmas Day. Just type in the word CHRISTMAS in the coupon box when you order from this website.

Some Days Start Well

It's 6:50 on a Wednesday morning. Last night everyone went to bed fairly happy. Most of them are still asleep. Ricardo was up on his own and out the door by 6:30 to lift weights with some of the other wrestlers. JImmy was up on his own and is already in the shower. Others should start popping out of bed any moment. So far, the day is starting well.

Salinda has a doctor's appointment at 2:50 today. At that time we should find out whether or not he is going to induce and if so, when. Since all the information I have usually comes via text and Salinda is sometimes not exactly sure what is happening, I guess we'll just have to wait and see as I really can't predict what will happen. She sent a picture message of his stomach yesterday and she is huge -- much bigger than she was even two weeks ago. We are waiting for the news from the doctor to plan our week/weekend.

I hope your day starts as well as mine has. And I hope mine didn't give me false hope. ;-)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Some Good News

According to the recently released 2008 AFCARS data, the overall number of adoptions in the United States has increased! For years, the number of adoptions hovered around 50,000-52,000. However, this year, that number reached 55,000! Congratulations to you for your part in this great achievement! For more information, please click here.

Read this and weep (and don't you even make fun of us)

OK, Cindy and all y'all who live where it's warm. Currently -4, feels like -21. Brrrr. it's really hard to crawl out of bed when it's that cold. ANd the fact that it gets cold in the house is a constant reminder that we need new windows and can't afford them and that leads to all kinds of negative and depressing thoughts about our recent appraisal that shows we now, because of the market, owe more than the house is worth so we can't refinance, and then I just go down that negative road. SO if it was only warmer I could think about other things. On to an update about the last 20 hours.

As soon as finished the blog post yesterday (and forgetting to hit send) I went over to the classified ads in the paper, called a number and go interviews set up for JImmy, Rand, and John at some unknown company. I figured the experience would be helpful. APparently the job is selling cleaning supplies from a Kiosk in the mall or something. John is the only one who could really pull off that kind of job and their part time program doesn't start until January 1. Rand's supposed to call them back, but it sounds a bit fishy. Still, it gave them all hope and some practice interviewing.

Last night Sadie decided to flip out in a major way. She and I had agreed that she and three friends could have a "hotel" birthday party. Apparently she had invited at least 12 girls and decided on her own that she would pay for the extra room. When I tried to explain that it wasn't about the money, but about supervision she told me Salinda had agreed to help chaperone. Her plan was ot wait until Gabby was born and then Salinda coudl bring the newborn to spend the night in a hotel room with 12 8th grade girls. I told her that wasn't a good plan. She said she's going to do it anyway, with or without me, and that Henry would rent the room (he is over 18) and be one of the chaperones. I told her I didn't think most of the girls parents would like that plan much. I explained to her how Salinda probably didn't realize how bad of an idea the newborn/giggling girl combo was but that soon she would.

So I got to hear the whole you can't control my life, you're not my real mom, I'm not really a part of this family speech and she proceeded to declare she was running away. Typically I would just let her go, but with windchills expected between 30 and -35 I decided I better physically stand in her way, which was annoying to me as I was not interested in spending my evening standing at her room door. When she headed for the window, I simply grabbed her in bear hug on her bed and sat on her. I tried not to be too amused when she looked up at me and told me she was leaving. he south, I wanted to lsay "Child, which part of my 300 pounds you gonna move first" but I just looked at her. Bart finally came down to give me a break and he talked to her and then I left the room. Eventually she calmed down and I guess she decided to stay cuz I saw her later watching TV.

By that point I was overly exhausted, but John had decided it was finally time to have a decent conversation so we talked and he was charming and cooperative. I explained to him that I was no longer going to worry about his school attendance. It was his responsibilty to get himself up and to be in the car or else he was on his own. He agreed that was fair and has declared his decision to not hang out with his friends so much because it keeps him from doign what he's supposed to do. If he makes it to school today that might last until 2:45 when a friend says "Hey John, wanna hang out?" But hey kiddo, prove me wrong. I'd like that.

Salinda has a doctor's appointment at 2:50 tomorrow. WE're hoping that he will give her some answers so we can make plans that are more definitive. She really wants to have that baby. I'd like her to have it before Christmas myself.

End of brain dump.

Monday, December 14, 2009

I really should blog.... but

I'm not feeling anything happy or hopeful to post and I don't like to post when I am whiny. But apparently that is how I have been a lot lately.

Just got done at the Y and am now at Dunn Brother's. My biggest challenge, to clump it all together, is that I care more about my kids lives than they do and I overcompensate for them for the sake of peace or for the sake of attempting to get them on the wrong track. Now grant it, if most people looked in on our lives they would not see me as an enabler, I'm far from it. But internally I carry too much of their stress -- stress that they aren't even carrying.

John wouldn't get up this morning after being gone all weekend. He appeared sometime last night after having promised he would be home on Saturday night so he could go to church and WIlson's Christmas program Sunday morning. He never showed and then last night he didn't even let me know he was home. His first words to me were, "Why didn't you let me know about Salinda?" I explained that he wasn't home to let know, i didn't even know where he was, and that I am not going to track him down when he isn't even speaking to me and I don't know where he.

So I looked up his attendance online and it appears he is skipping some classes even when I do go through all the stress of trying to get him out of bed and get him there he wasn't even going to class once we dropped him off. So I need to let go of that. While I had his attendance open I meandered over to the other kids grades and almost all of them are slipping. I'm wondering if I liked it better before thre was a way to check grades on the internet. At least then what I didn't know wasn't hurting me.

I grew up believing that you had to try hard to fail a class. I couldn't imagine how anyone could fail. Apparently it's pretty easy. I keep telilng myself that it is their lives and their grades and their consequences, but you know, it's not jsut theirs. It's mine too. I told myself that the whole time Rand was in his first year of college and now here he is, two years later, still living at home with no job. So the consequences don't just belong to them.

Just like evryone else we are experiencing financial struggles. And we keep collecting more young adults who are unwilling to do their part. It's one thing to take free room and board when you are emotionally present and contributing to the family, but if you are going to slip in and out of the family system, always taking and never giving, it's a bit much.

I am going to have to once again follow my own advice and reframe, rethink, and rearrange my expectations so that I can live with what is. I am going to have to be thankful that my kids are home, the ones who are, instead of in jail or homeless. I am going to be thankful that they are healthy adn that they are not a danger to themselves or others. I am going to realize that I am not alone and that many others are going through the same things. I am going to have to find out ways to connect with my kids that are helpful and not harmful. Wish me luck.