Training for Professionals in Our Area

It's another day. Eight a.m. and the kids are safe at school and I"m safe at my very very quiet office. Three days a week I get to spend in an office my agency shares with a local therapist and it is amazing to have a place to focus without being constantly distracted by things at the house, primarily Rand. I know that people who work at jobs think that they would love working at home because you "never have to leave the house." The problem is that you never get to leave the job either. I was filing paperwork at 9 last night ... and between appointments was pretty much at my desk from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m.

Tomorrow I fly to Philadelphia to provide the keynote at this conference. I understand that it is an amazing group of adoptive parents and a very responsive audience, so I am excited to be able to be with them for a day. It will be a quick trip as I fly home the same night.

I must have jinxed Dominyk because yesterday I told the psychiatrist that he hadn't had a fit in the morning for over a week so then this morning he had to have one of course. Sigh.

Heading to three very busy weeks, and then a reprieve for a few months as we wait for the baby. I've intentionallly not scheduled anything from December 1 until January 23..... I think I need to catch up on some sleep and get sane again.

Shopping with Kari

Today Kari and I went shopping. We had lunch at Barnes and Noble and I took a picture of a book called "B****, In praise of difficult women.. I was going to buy it for Bart, but I'm a preacher's wife so I couldn't. I can't even say the word. Unless I'm quoting someone. And I was going to quote it here but I can't even do that. Cuz I"m too pure.



Then we went to Catherine's (a very big lady store) to buy sweaters. Don't even ask me why. But when we got there Kari insisted on undressing the half woman on the hanger. She is so embarrassing. Then she went up to the counter and said, "WE couldn't get her clothes off" or something like that and I was all like, 'What's this WE busines?"

And all day long I kept talking to people about the weather. Saying exactly what every other silly Minnesotan has been saying all week. "Can you BELIEVE it's NOVEMBER? What LOVELY weather we're having!" Except that when I say it they look at me funny like i'm some kind of idiot, instead of a normal Minnesotan.

and this is precisely why nobody likes to go shopping with me and why my husband is secretely relieved when I don't feel well because then I don't go around town being all hyped up and stupid and embarrassing.

Well it isn't working now

I came home unexpectedly a couple hours early to find that nothing on the list had been started yet. So my vision of him following my instructions yesterday must have been a pipe dream.

And I set up a Doctor's appointment for tomorrow afternoon. Happy?

It worked .... Kinda

Yesterday I set out a schedule for Rand that was minute by minute from the time i left the house until I got home. It included everything he needed to do, including taking his own shower. I told him to watch the times.

He got everything done on the list.

So today he has a new list. His first task is to go fix all the things that he didn't get done right yesterday, and I list them. At least he stayed on task somewhat it appears and I didn't have to give him step by step directions all day.

We'll see how today goes.

I'm off to IEP meeting, Psychiatrist and to the store. We are out of everything that I usually buy. Toilet paper, shampoo, Downey and Tide, etc..... so I'll go stalk up. They'll be happy to see me. It's been a while.

On Being Married to a Cynic

This morning I awakened feeling quite good compared to the last few weeks and said to my husband, "Isn't it great to wake up in the morning and be alive?"

To which he responded, "I've never known anything else."

I think I found me

I think I'm back. I rested this afternoon and when I woke up I felt like myself again. Finally!

I'm still going to have the doctor check me out to appease ya'll, but I'm feeling like maybe I'm going to be OK.

Calm night tonight. Bart is at a MACMH board meeting (now that he's hit the big time) and the kids are all being really calm while I sit and catch up after a week of being non-existent. Nice calm feeling in the house. Bart did the morning by himself and said it was a completely calm morning.

Tomorrow is 2 hour late start so we are going to sleep in a bit. Then I get to have breakfast with a wonderful friend.

Things are most definitely looking up.

Now if I could just walk more than a few steps without getting winded..... THAT's why I still need to call the doctor.

Meant to Share this Last Week...

but with my email problems, i couldn't send the photo that Bart texted me to my phone.

Here's Sadie with no braces. ;-)

Nope, Not at the Doctor

Had an early court hearing. I'm feeling a bit better today after sleeping a lot yesterday but I may listen for a change and go to the doctor. We'll see. Thanks for all your words of support and encouragement as well as your nagging.

I also wanted to let people know that if I thought for one second that our 21 year old son could survive on his own I would have no problem giving him fair warning. However, at this point he qualifies for no services, would not have anywhere to live (unless he begged one of our church folks to take him in -- he has no other friends) and cannot get a job. He would literally be on the streets. Considering he has siblings who have done much worse than being lazy and lying who lived with us well beyond 18, it doesn't seem humane to give him "notice." He appears to at least try half the time and he does all my driving, so he is probably doing more than a lot of kids in his situation do for their parents.

I just get exhausted trying to make sure he is doing something. He's so scattered. We have gone over and over what the priority list is for him..... shower, change the laundry, and then if hte kitchen is clean find something else to do. So today he times it so that he is actually outside raking the leaves when I get home from my trip, but I walk in and laundry isn't changed and the kitchen is even dirtier than before because he made a snack of 4 hot dogs and a full blender of smoothie, not even cleaning up the mess he made. Sigh.

So we'll just keep going.

And for those who are interested, precious little Wilson is in in-school suspension for pounding on a kid who had told a little girl in his 4th grade class that she wanted to go out with him. We were trying to figure out how many of our kids had never had in school suspension. We're thinking maybe 1, possibly two. Three at the most.

Sighing again.

Resentment

I guess I'm feeling a bit better this morning. You've convinced me I should probably see a doctor, though I think maybe I'm just getting old and don't have the energy I once had and I keep packing way too much into my life and it wears me out. Plus I haven't been to the Y for a couple weeks.

One of the things that I think is most difficult about parenting children with mental health issues is keeping oneself free of resentment. There are so many things that frustrate me and aren't as I prefer and it can easily fester underneath my skin until I am carrying an undercurrent of anger that I have to force myself to let go.

These last few weeks it has been my "adult" children who are not working nor working very hard to get jobs. Having them here while I am overworked gets under my skin like nothing else. I think that you probably know that from recent posts.

This past week John kept saying over and over again how badly he needed to get a job. And then he rented 4 movies and watched them back to back. Last night he went and finally picked up 20 applications at the mall. He has spent the afternoon in front of the computer watching YouTubes.

Rand has literally (and you think I'm kidding but I'm not) filled out over 100 applications over the past 3 years that he never turns in. His goal is to LOOK like he is trying to get a job, not to get a job.

And then of course they will say whatever they think they need to say in order to fool me into thinking something different than the truth. As you can imagine, it doesn't work well with me and only escalates my frustration.

I am having to tell myself more each day things like "breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out" as I monitor my own resentment.

I know that if I could let some of this go then I would feel better. I'm going to have to do just that....

Really not feeling good...

And I am sure you are just groaning and you're all like, "Why do I log on just to listen to her whine?" But I'm just not feeling like myself. I am having some struggles with my vision all the sudden, and I don't feel right. I'm exhausted all the time and just feel weird. It's not like being completely sick, but it's this Malaise that i just can't shake.

It's also a big pain in the butt that I can't get my details right. I keep messing things up when I am trying to be my own agent. I hate it when my imperfections glare.

So I'm tired today -- tired of being me. However, I've seen your life, and I'd still rather be me.

:-) (just kidding. kinda)

Tech Issues and Lots of Paper

If you sent me an email between Tuesday night at 10 and last night about 8 at my .mac account then it was automatically forwarded to a law firm in Argentina. Don't ask me how or why, but that is a bit spooky and creepy and the twilight zone is playing in my head. Someone hacked into my account and set it up to forward my emails. The whole thing still makes me feel icky.

But now that is all resolved and I only have one more tech issue to face. But that doesn't affect very many people and thus it will go on a back burner as I currently have 1,000 postcards and 1000 flyers about the book signings on my desk that need to be distributed immediately. So if you are anywhere within a couple hours of either my current home town or the home town I used to live in (listed here if you don't know them) and you have a boring weekend planned, you could hang up posters or pass out postcards if you'd like. Just let me know and I'd be glad to have some help.

The kids and I will go on a "poster trip" or maybe two or three this weekend. A few of us head out in the van and we hit little rural minnesota towns to put up flyers in gas stations. This led to the placement of a sibling group of 7 once, so I know it's effective. We go to three or four towns and on the fourth town at one of the stations one person can get a snack. They aren't nearly as cute any more, being teenagers and all, so I may have to overuse Wilson, but it's a way to get them delivered.

My friend Jill is going to help me with postcards at some point. This morning I will work on mailing lists.

This speaking/writing business isn't all that glamorous. It would be nice if I had a huge staff of people. I could really keep them busy.